Hi. Howdy. Hey. I have emerged from my hibernation. Yes, I’m calling it a hibernation. My site going dark and winter happened to coincide. But, now it’s spring, I’m feeling great, and we’re getting back into the swing of things over here at @lambertraa. (Yeah, we had a name change - - our identity is ever evolving), branding…yada yada yada.
The past few weeks have been a little crazy around my corner of the world. My loving mother sprained her ankle and was told by her doctor to drastically limit her mobility. This has been super hard on both of us. Her, for obvious reasons. Me, because along with assuming all of the home responsibilities, I absolutely HATE when something is wrong with my mom. My mom is a fucking superhero. I can’t deal when kryptonite gets tossed her way. Of course, during this time, I came across this blog; http://www.annabash.com/blog/strongmother. It’s cool, but it doesn’t tell the whole story.
Things I learned from my strong as fuck mom, the real MVP;
You learn that you never need a savior.
- My mom was a single parent of three strong children. She didn’t have a whole lot of back up and very little help. But, EVERYTHING GOT DONE. The house was always spotless, the homework was always done and checked, dinner was always on the table by 7:30 at the latest. She didn’t miss one parent conference, football game, play. Report cards didn’t go unsigned, and the few times they got taken out of the mailbox, we totally got caught. The bills got paid, nothing ever came apart at the seams. At least, not where we could see it. Shit got mad real. I know it did. As an adult, we’ve talked about it. My mom didn’t cry, she didn’t ask for help, she didn’t wait to see if the situation resolved itself, she put on her game face and she GOT SHIT DONE.
You learn to keep it real.
- My mom made it clear she was always the same person, whether she was driving a BMW or waiting at the bus stop. You didn’t get two different people, and you were either down to roll either way or you were out.
Your mom is the best friend anyone could ask for.
- My mom is the first person I want to talk to about everything. Anything. I get excited about things she could give a shit less about, and she’s still there. I talked to her about the lineup for Warped Tour for 15 minutes last night, and she was there for every word and didn’t have to ask about any of the bands I rambled on about, even though that is not her music AT ALL, because she has been there for me enough to know how Warped Tour is laid out, which bands I love, which ones I couldn’t care less about, and she will help me get the final once over for my outfits, before the shows come. She knows all of my friends, she knows all of my ‘frenemies’, she still buys me toys at the Dollar Store. From Student of the Month, to Final Cut X Pro certification, to my MA, my mom has been there for everything and will let everyone in the audience know I am her child. When I didn’t live at home, my mom and I would watch all of our shows separately and call each other the next morning to dish about the most juicy bits. Once I moved back home, we began observing ever TGIT together, along with a separate weekly date. One of her friends asked me, “Are you guys always at Disneyland together? That’s all I see on your mom’s Facebook.” To which I replied, “Where else would we be?” My mom isn’t my “friend”, I think it’s disrespectful to everything she’s done and does for me, but…my mom is totally my best friend.
You learn to lead a full life.
- My mom always led a full life, even with kids. She had friends, she had hobbies, she went to the movies, she did the things she enjoyed while working full time and raising kids.
You learn to take your life back from what broke you.
- My mom never ever stayed laid up from a fight. She, of course, had hurts and pains, but she didn’t let them diminish her light. She always found a way back to her zone.
You learn to be unapologetic about your choices and make your own rules in life.
- Just because there wasn’t a “dad” to argue with, doesn’t mean there weren’t people to second guess her decisions. There was always something who had something to say, and my mom blatantly did not give a rolling rat’s ass. If you hadn’t walked a mile in her shoes, she didn’t give a fuck about you or what you thought about the way she chose to walk that mile.
You learn to put your health first.
- My mom didn’t have a team. She was our first and last line of defense. I’ve never seen my mom drunk. I’ve seen her drink, I’ve seen her tipsy, I’ve never seen her drunk. My father was an alcoholic, she was well aware we’d already lost one parent to substance abuse, she never wanted us to fear anything would happen to her. My mom was a master of home remedies, homeopathic medicine, and fitness and clean eating before it was trendy. She had to take care of herself, so she could properly take care of us. I can only once remember my mom being laid up with a cold. Once, in my whole childhood. My mom was a master of playing through the pain.
You learn that your actions matter more than your words.
- At the end of my sophomore year I owed the library 20 dollars and I couldn’t register for classes because of it. I wasn’t going to be paid any time soon; my bank account was at 0, and my savings account was down to the 100 dollars required to keep it open. I was sitting in my dorm crying, because I didn’t know what to do. I was sitting there thinking, “What would Mom say?” The answer came quick, “She’d say stop crying and handle your damn business.” Not helpful. “What would Mom do?” The answer came to me faster than I could get up. She’d close her savings account, take that 100, give 20 to the library, spend 5 on a smoothie to lift her spirits, and have 75 in the bank until the next check came in. I slipped on my shoes and a cardigan, stopped crying, and handled my business. My mom taught me more in the things she did than the things she said sometimes. Your actions will ALWAYS, ALWAYS, speak louder than your words or intentions.
You learn to treat yo’ self.
- My mom was a single parent of three kids. Money wasn’t always overly abundant in our home. However, my mom always had new nail polish. Why? Because sometimes after food, bills, and whatever my brothers and I needed, all that was left a four dollars to get a new bottle of nail polish. My mom taught me the importance of not just taking care of yourself, but treating yourself. Work is hard, even when you love your job, and your job is easy. Paying bills sucks. My mom taught me long before Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle, that sometimes you just need to TREAT YO’ SELF. Even if the only that you can afford is a bottle of nail polish or an expensive cup of coffee.
You learn to take the word of the modern saints.
- My mom life’s lessons came from two places when she needed to drop some mad knowledge; the bible and her record collection. I remember several times, coming to her with a problem/getting in trouble, and before she started her lecture, she’d cue up a record or a tape and tell me to listen to the song all the way through.
You learn to never forget where you come from.
- My Grandfather died before I was born. My mother, not only named me after him, she asked her doctor if I could be delivered on his birthday. She has kept his memory so very alive, I know him and love him very much. She relied on his wisdom and knowledge to raise us, and it shows. I often think of his work ethic, his pride, and his humor. My mom says he and I are very similar; I don’t think that’s fate, or coincidence. It’s a bit of genetics, it is mostly having someone to look up to and want to be like, because she very much kept him a part of our family.
I hope you all have a strong woman in your life. I’ve been blessed with many, and I’m pretty sure I’m turning into one myself.
Until next time.