Where The Hell Was I?

Hey, howdy, hey. I basically took four months off from blogging, and I know you're all wondering where the fuck I was. I'm trying to figure out where the fuck I was. As I promised, a lot of it was taking time off to de-stress and restructure the blog; I've already gotten such good feedback about the new layout! I was kinda busy as fuck. Life happened. 

Well, let's start with the current socio-political climate. It's not easy. It isn't. I'd be a big fat liar if I said it wasn't having an effect on my mental health. I feel fucking exhausted all of the time. Going on twitter, one of my favorite pastimes, is a fucking minefield. WHAT DID HE DO NOW?? WHAT CRAZY LAW GOT PASSED?? WHAT PERSON THAT LOVE IS AT RISK NOW?? It's tiring as fuck. It's angry-making. It's time consuming. Texting and sending postcards to representatives, and voting in special elections, and ranting on Facebook. I know it sounds a little ridiculous (at least I think it does); but there are way too many unknowns now. Hilary was supposed to win, I'd get married, get a promotion at work, I'd pop out a kid right before her second term, and life would predictably move on. But now, do I want to have kids in a world like this? Will my fake husband be sent off to the Gulag for his interracial marriage? Will my company survive this economic downturn long enough to promote me? Will they start redlining again and prevent me from owning a home in a desirable neighborhood? Who the fuck knows? Maybe this lingering cold I've had for the last week is a preexisting condition... You know what I mean?

I saw AFI the night of the inauguration and it made me things feel...great. Hopeful. Emotional. Fun. I met three amazing new friends that night. Shoutout to Grace, Elizabeth, and Ashley. I ran into quite a few old friends. And the love of my life. It felt like being at home and around people who love me after a a shitty as break up. Years when AFI produce new music always mean a lot to me. I saw them two more times at their back to back shows at the Wiltern and they unearthed two of my favorite songs that weekend; God Called in Sick Today and Totalimmortal. If you have the chance to see them live, go do it. Just, do yourself the favor. Best live show around, hands down. 

A dear friend of mine, Ben Grey of Dear Boy (who I've talk about on the blog before) played a beautiful acoustic show at the Hotel Cafe, where he debuted a new song that is probably my new favorite all time, called "Die". It was a lovely and inspiring evening. I went home and wrote four new songs the following week. Yes, I write songs. No, you will never hear them.

I met this awesome artist named Trevor Friedrich and I posed for him. It was a totally rad, life-changing, affirming experience. I've very open about that fact that I battle with my self-image, but posing totally made me feel empowered and tough and sexy. I have a weird relationship with my body and the body in general; I think they're awesome and amazing and beautiful and yet completely mundane. Everyone has one. I don't understand why we hide them. I mean, I do. The Christian Patriarchy. But it's not something I believe in. The body needs to be revered, worshiped, and also de-mystified. I'm starting with myself. Trevor's work is amazing. I don't have words to describe it. He captured my body in a way that was far more honest and vulnerable than a photograph. He's a really fantastic and talented artist. Check out his Insta

I started hosting a podcast. Hanging with the Guys! My buddy Ace, who I've known for 15 years, and I literally just record ourselves hanging out. It's rather awesome. You have to listen to it to understand it, but while being almost the same in personality, Ace and I are complete opposites and have a great podcasting chemistry. 

I went to my first ever Lucha Va Voom. Lucha Va Voom is a combination burlesque show/wrestling event that happens every few months in Los Angeles and it is one of the best live events I've ever been to. If you like wrestling and you like burlesque, do yourself a favor and go to Lucha Va Voom. Did I mention that all of the matches are called by comedians? The wrestlers enter the arena in classic cars? There's music and maybe even a drag performance? It is AMAZING. I can't wait to go to another.

We all know my theme park allegiance is to Disneyland, but I started going to Universal Studios Hollywood more often (after having a pass for almost nine months), and I've actually come to love it. I don't think I've ever mentioned it, but I really love The Simpsons; so Springfield fills with me a childlike glee I can't describe. And of course, Hogsmeade. HOGSMEADE. Butterbeer has a bit too much sugar though, definitely split it with someone. I will warn anyone who hasn't been in a while; if you're prone to motion sickness you might want to take Dramamine beforehand. Very few of their rides rely on practical effects; there's way more 3D video stuff happening in this park and it can definitely make you sick.

I've been adding to my tattoo collection in the past few months. I've gotten four or five rather large and beautiful pieces. It's my hope to have a full arm and leg sleeve within the next two years or so. I won't talk about what I've gotten at length here though; as I plan to do a series of tattoo diary posts. 

I went blonde! I actually really liked it. My forays with blonde hair as a younger person were disasters, but the honey she I found this time worked and I felt like a golden goddess. I'll be changing it soon, though. 

I had my aura photographed by Halo Aurographic. The photo is lovely and it made me feel really in tune with myself and who I am at my core. 

I saw Yellowcard on their last tour ever, and it was totally worth it. I didn't realize how big of a Yellowcard fan I am. I probably saw a few more shows that I can't remember at the moment. Y'all know that's my number one past time. 

I worked. I worked a lot. But I love my job, so even the rough days were totally worth it! AND, while I was toiling away at my desk, All Time Low, Kevin Smith, R2-D2 and Lynn Gunn of PVRIS all happened to be in the building for various reasons. And the gorgeous and talented Lynn Gunn, who I totally have a crush on, gave me a donut and called me pretty. 

When We Were Young, a nostalgia fest, happened for the first time in Orange County. I have really mixed feelings about nostalgia fests. On the one hand, I get to see my bands. On the other hand, the crowds are usually shit and full of people who are just there because it's the thing to do. This festival was no different. I also really don't like The Observatory as an outdoor festival venue. This fest loaded the best bands on the first day, which was actually ok? Because I was exhausted on day two and barely had to rally? I just showed up late and saw the three bands I wanted to see at night and then went home. AFI's set was brutal that weekend! It was so good! AND I saw Morrissey for the first time ever and you better believe I cried my eyes out. If I never ever hear another Cage the Elephant song again in my life, I'll be really happy. I also almost got into two fights that weekend. Totally successful weekend. 

I, of course, did more Disneyland days. I participated in my first Spring Dapper Day and wow! Everyone was so cute and so kind! I can't wait to do more. 

Dreamcar, the band made of all the members of No Doubt that aren't Gwen Stefani and Davey Havok, released their first album and went on a short tour, and I was lucky enough to see them in San Diego and at their record release in Long Beach. I'm so in love. My two favorite bands got together and made a new band that's heavily influenced by my favorite genre of all time, '80s New Wave. It's basically all I've been listening to in the car. 

I went to RenFaire this year, and had the time of my life. I love festivals and fairs, and any chance to dress up in a costume. I particularly like places where everyone is there to have a good time and they leave their bullshit at the door. RenFaire is one of those places. I also ran into one of my heroes, and my older sister in my head, Rosario Dawson that day.

Most recently, I got pulled over and for the first time got a traffic ticket. It was low-key traumatic. 

What else? What else? Lots of dancing at Cloak and Dagger, making new friends, trying new recipes at home, and really just trying to nurture myself and grow. It nice to have some time off and just be, however I'm really happy to be back to blogging and can't wait to grow this space into something I can be really proud of. 

Until next time.