The end of summer always takes it out of me. My seasonal depression is actually summer based. The heat in Los Angeles covers everything like a thick, suffocating blanket. I find it impossible to wake up early, to work out, to make myself a hot tea in the morning…the small rituals that keep me going are suddenly meaningless when it’s already 80 degrees first thing in the morning and just going to get hotter. Cardigans, thick blankets, a bed shared with stuffies become too hot, unbearable. The small comforts and pleasures I find in the cooler temps are rendered null and void. Even hugging friends is moot - we’re all too sweaty to cuddle.
Of course, there are things I love about the summer. Pool days, outdoor concerts, Comic Con, afternoon cocktails with friends, extending weekends by leaving work early on Friday’s, quick day trips, camping…(almost) all things that I’ve taken advantage of this year…but my brain still isn’t manufacturing serotonin or dopamine with the capacity that I’d like it to, and I find myself longing for the dark days of fall. After all, we all know it’s always Halloween in my heart.
This weekend has been both concerning and a needed respite. Southern California is experiencing its first hurricane in 84 years. Welcome, Hilary. So far, things have been mild, and I’m grateful. Los Angeles doesn’t have the infrastructure and its residents, by and large, don’t have the experience to truly survive a hard hurricane. However, the long gray days and the gentle patter of rain, coupled with a Star Wars movie marathon have put some much needed ease in my soul. Things have felt particularly melancholy recently - I can logically understand that the majority of my life circumstances are good things and that I surrounded by an abundance of joy - while also knowing that my challenging emotions are valid and leaning into the lessons that they have to teach me.
If fall decided to come early - I wouldn’t be unhappy about that. Regardless, I look forward to every blessing she has to bring me. I have a good feeling about the end of this year.