don't call it a comeback.

Hey. It's been a while. Nearly a whole year. Whoops. 2018 was a wild ride. It felt like it lasted forever, and it still somehow got completely away from me. I let the blog go dark, and while I'm not proud of it, I understand my own reasoning behind it.

At the beginning of the year I had a serious bout of imposter syndrome. I remember being out at a party and a good and old friend asked me what I had been working on & I didn't have an answer. I felt like the blog didn't count and I needed to be working on a "big" project - a book, a zine, a YouTube series - something "big" and "serious" that would get me noticed and end in fame and me having "made it". If I wasn't doing that, then I must be a fake. And I'm a fake and a nobody, then why do I need a blog?

So, to combat this, I started doing a lot of freelance writing. And guess what? Writing for other people meant I didn't have a lot of time to write for myself. While I'm proud of putting myself out there and doing something else - in the last few months I've realized it's not really where my heart is. The internet is full of people who wanna be the next Chris Hardwick and are begging you to like to subscribe because they're HUNGRY, they're STARVING for it - and I'm just...not. Don't get me wrong; I'm passionate about writing and fandom and curating a lifestyle and sharing that with people - but my endgame isn't to have to most like photo on Instagram. Which leads me to my next point...

The business of blogging is stressful and irritating - especially if you're buying into the "competition" and trying to be the most "liked". It takes time and money - to go to the newest places, eat the newest foods, create the best optics for the best photo. Without the money and the time I'm not able to produce content that I can be wholly proud of or that will be 'gram worthy, so I end up creating nothing, and impostor syndrome sets in again. Organic growth is nearly impossible - the algorithm has fucked up everything and who even checks their feed anymore when there are Stories? It is crazy hard trying to turn a profit, especially if you don't want to turn yourself into a product or shill someone else's product. Thousands of clicks and at the end of my best month, I still only made $20. It's dishonest - just google 'Instagram fake travel' or 'Instagram fake sponsorship' - even Bow Wow fell into the trap, remember the Bow Wow challenge? It's insidious. Everyone is trying to flex on every one else all for the likes. Half of the time, I was feeling like I was in a contest that I didn't enter myself in & didn't want to participate in - I don't need to be the most "liked". I don't need to seek that kind of validation, especially when I'm part of a family and friend communities that let me know that I'm actually loved.

I was reading a blog post by Rainier from Love Life of an Asian Guy, and it hit me hard. "You start to see each conversation not as an opportunity to truly bridge a connection with others, but as an opportunity to keep your audience stimulated, entertained, and happy. This isn’t to say that my opinions on these topics are fake. But they are just a snippet of how I feel and they lack the nuance and depth that I believe comes off smoother when I talk in person or during a livestream." Rainier just wants to blog, and so do I. I want to write & sometimes post nice photos without it being a big ordeal. I don't want to create content that is bite-sized or simple for people. I am not bite-sized or simple. I don't want to be an "influencer". I've said it before, and I stand behind it - swaying people's opinions & feelings isn't a joke, & I want to be accountable & only stand behind things I truly believe in.

The most impactful thing I did in 2018, the one that was most important to me, was participate in This is My Brave: Los Angeles. This Is My Brave, Inc. is a 501(c)3 non-profit organization is the leading platform for individuals to share their stories of living successful lives despite a diagnosis of a mental health disorder through artistic expression (spoken word poetry, original music and essay readings) on stage in front of a live audience. We're opening up the conversation about mental health disorders in communities all across the country and beyond via our YouTube channel. Writing about and publicly talking about my mental health was... freeing. Impactful. Important. Moving. It reminded of who I am and why I am. The response from friends and family who went to the show or watch it on YouTube was overwhelmingly positive. Just a few minutes of vulnerability and bravery, but they were the best minutes I had in 2018. And it was something that I did for me.

I am going to keep blogging. This isn't the first post like this I've written. I've stepped away and come back before; I've hit this spiral before. But, this time I am consciously disrupting the cycle. From this point forward, I blog for me. And I hope you stick around, and if you don't - that's cool too.

Until next time. xo.


Welcome Back, Babes.

I originally meant to take six weeks “off” from the blog. It wasn’t really meant to be time “off”. It was time for the site to go dark, so I could create this new layout, take more photos (i never ever have enough photos — I need an Instagram husband), do more research and learning about successful blogging and social media marketing, and spend a lot of time hunkered down and writing. It didn’t really play out like that. It’s been 12 weeks. We’re approximately 120 days into the year (depending on which day I actually publish this and let the new design go live). It’s been an interesting 120 days, but I don’t think I have to tell you that. I’m sure you’re feeling it yourself. Everyone I know has been out of sorts lately. That’s really why the blog has been on hiatus for the “extra” 6 weeks. 

I really haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I’m shedding. Molting. Turning into a new person, or a better improved version of who I’ve always been? I’m putting wordy spin on the fact that I’ve been in more shitty moods than good ones and have been confused by life recently. More often then not I’ve looked in the mirror and wondered, who the hell is that looking back at me and do I like her? The answer is, yes. I think I like her. Who is she, though?

I’ve never properly introduced myself on the blog, so I suppose our “relaunch” is as good of a time as any. I’m A Jordan Lambert. Named after my mother and my grandfather, who are incidentally two of my favorite people to ever live. I’ll be 29 in about six weeks. I’m at the very end of my twenties, and instead of being freaked the fuck out, I’m inspired about what comes next. As I get closer to the end of my twenties, the more I find myself thinking about “my inner child” and who I was and what I wanted as a kid. I think I’ve got a good read on myself and who I am and have stayed true to my course. That’s pretty exciting and inspiring. I grew up in San Pedro, California, but all of Southern California is my playground. I spend more time in LA proper and Orange County than I do in San Pedro. I’ve moved away from that godforsaken town once; to go to my small liberal arts college and then I came back, because it was best for me and my family at the time. I’ve got to get out again, soon. San Pedro makes me itchy. It’s got a small town mentality and that’s not my frame of mind at all. I’m very much a “city girl”. I love museums, shopping, theme parks, concerts, craft beer, artisan sandwiches, driving over the speed limit late at night, going out dancing, learning new things, traveling; all of those posh trivial, yet meaningful things that turn into perfect moments for Instagram and Pinterest. Someone recently asked me what I was inspired in by; I told them Los Angeles, art in all of it’s forms, and the people I love. 

So why the hell do I have a blog? Who do I think I am exactly? I love to write. It’s the only thing I’ve ever consistently loved in my life. I make a rather decent living writing in the marketing department for a brand that I’ve admired and respected since I was a pre-teen. It’s the most fulfilling “job” I’ve ever had, but I still have more to say. This blog is really about me. I’m vain and self-centered. I can freely admit that. I’ve been writing about myself online for over a decade; Livejournal, anyone? However, I aim to make this more than that. I’ve said before, I want this website to be a lifestyle destination for women who are more Hayley Williams/Lyn-Z Way than Lauren Conrad/Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m opinionated as fuck, always on the go, busy and weird and crazy, and I also have good fucking taste. Beauty, fashion, interior design, music and art, food, fandom culture, live experiences, travel…There’s going to be a little of everything here. My personal style is a bit more grunge/goth than anything else, but there’s certainly some boho inspiration in there and I love high fashion. Makeup and wigs are basically my favorite thing ever, and you’ll never catch me without either one on. The best place to catch me? At a show, a theme park, or trying to find my next trendy hand crafted meal. This blog is going to be a record of those things; my life, however it’s also going to be about you. Deconstructing my life, my view, for you. 

I’ve got a lot of new and fun things planned for this space; and I’ve actually got a scheduled calendar now. I can’t wait to see what we do around here. 



It's raining in Los Angeles today and I feel like I have ascended to my full power. It's supposed to go back up to 90 by mid-week, but I'm not letting that ruin my beautiful, glorious, rain filled morning. I've been listening to some emotional, gloomy, angsty music, and sipping my tea like it's the best morning of my life.

I read somewhere that it takes between 1-2 years for blogs to really settle into their niche, find their voice, and build their following. I feel really good about that fact, because I'm going to be changing and shaking things up around here again. I've been building a new plan, setting a calendar, getting things together. I've been really inspired by one of my best pals over at, Rini Foxworthy. Her blog is amazing; she's going to build an empire. 

This space is going to be solidifying it's voice and going through a small transformation into an alternative lifestyle blog. This really boils down to MORE POSTS with more diverse topics, and a new layout. That's always been my goal; to have a lifestyle/life/beauty/fashion blog for girls who are a bit more Hayley Williams than Lauren Conrad. However, I had a lack of resources and my life wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be in order to authentically create that content and at some point, I lost some of my passion and felt the blogging industry was bogus. I've written about there here. Things have changed; I've been re-inspired by the recent, positive changes in my life. So, keep your eyes on this space. Things are changing in great ways.

To the point of the post; here's the October playlist! Full of some old school, long time favorite, creepster jams.